1 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,640 Clarence! 2 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,560 Clarence... 3 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,320 Oh, for heaven's sakes! 4 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,880 OBJECT LANDS IN GLASS Ha, ha, capital! 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,440 Connie, who's my head gardener? 6 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,920 Red hair - stops me doing everything? 7 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,440 McAllister. He's on holiday. 8 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,840 Well, in the absence of McAllister, I think you'll find he's on holiday, 9 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,560 I'm going to spread muck all over the roses. 10 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:40,920 I shall be copious. 11 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,120 Brother, dear, is this something you intend to achieve personally? 12 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:49,760 Oh, Lord, no, no. I have a supplier. Horse, mostly. 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:53,160 - Mmm. - Did you, er...? - I have a present for you. - Oh? 14 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,200 - A new broom. - Ah. - I expect it imminently. 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,840 As well as your feeble-minded son. 16 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,080 CAR HORN HONKS 17 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,880 I say, are you all right? 18 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,720 Cor... 19 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,400 Yes. Er... 20 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,400 Tree had me fooled. 21 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:35,080 It's been put there only recently, you see. 22 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,760 It'll have to go back to its original posish. 23 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,080 Lovely Labrador. 24 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:44,920 Thank you. It's a special type of Labrador called a cocker spaniel. 25 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,920 Fine old boy, your cocker. 26 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,760 She's a puppy and she's not mine. I walk her. 27 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,440 Can't she walk herself? 28 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,960 Seems to be furnished with a full complement of legs. 29 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,320 It's very important to me that a person appreciates dogs. 30 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,560 Oh, I appreciate the hell out of dogs. 31 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,320 Dogs! Can't get enough of 'em. Love 'em. 32 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:06,520 You have a dog? 33 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,240 No, but I tell you what. 34 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,720 I'm going to go straight out and get one. 35 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,480 Obviously, I can't just at the moment, because I'm skint, 36 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,640 but it is my greatest ambition in life to own a dog. 37 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,440 Erm. What's yours? 38 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:26,680 In the short term, to finish my walk. Goodbye. Come on, Zulu. 39 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,720 Come on. 40 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,640 Miss Jennings has returned, your ladyship, with Zulu. 41 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,800 Ah. Show them to the drawing room. 42 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,200 A Zulu? Connie, how singular. 43 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,680 Do you think he might like to see my assegai? 44 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,720 Ah, Zulu. 45 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,120 Oh, it's a dog. 46 00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:00,440 Veronica Schoonmaker, a very dear childhood friend, is coming 47 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,840 to visit us with her millionaire husband and her five dogs. 48 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,600 Veronica. 49 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,920 Is that the brute-faced girl who laced your cocoa with laxative? 50 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,800 You spent the whole day locked in. 51 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:17,480 Don't be absurd. Dear Veronica will expect me to have a dog. 52 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:21,920 So Pandora has produced one. She's not given birth to it. 53 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,760 My brother spends protracted periods with his mouth open. 54 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,360 One gets used to it. 55 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,440 Who is that unusual man? 56 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:35,040 Oh, that is Frederick Threepwood. He is regrettably Lord Emsworth's son. 57 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:41,920 Frederick, I want you to meet my god-daughter, Pandora Jennings. 58 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,480 Coo! 59 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,960 Believe me, monosyllabic ejaculation 60 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,320 is preferable to the usual course of his utterances. 61 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,560 Why does the dog shout? 62 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,160 She finds your nephew alarming. 63 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,560 It is the consensus. Take the animal away. 64 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,520 Aunt Constance? 65 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,320 No. 66 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,600 That is your "I-want-to-borrow-money" voice, 67 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,040 and the answer, as I say, is no. 68 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,640 The name's Baxter. Rupert Baxter. 69 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,440 Representatives generally find it more convenient 70 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,480 to call at the back door. 71 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,400 I am not here to sell you dusters, Beach. 72 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,240 Lady Constance summoned me. 73 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,720 Her ladyship is in the drawing... 74 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,480 I have memorised the floor plans of the castle. 75 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:42,520 I know my way. 76 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:57,520 Aha! Is this the muck man? 77 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:02,040 Mr Baxter does not sell manure. He is your new secretary. 78 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,160 Oh. Did I have an old one? 79 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,440 No, you've never had a secretary and that is why your life is a shambles. 80 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,600 He is your new broom. 81 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,160 - He comes highly recommended by the Marquis of Tring. - Spongebelly? 82 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,840 I have regularised Lord Tring's domestic affairs 83 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:20,320 to our mutual satisfaction. I now require a fresh challenge. 84 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,000 So you're not the muck man? 85 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,040 I am not, Lord Emsworth. 86 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,520 I know you're not Lord Emsworth. I'm Lord Emsworth. 87 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,920 Well...if you see him, 88 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,920 my dear fellow, direct him to the roses, will you? 89 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,240 I cannot pretend the task will be simple, Lady Constance. 90 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,440 But I promise you, I will regularise your brother. 91 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,360 Ever had a personal secretary, Wellbeloved? 92 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:55,640 Never had much call for one, m'lord, in my line of work. 93 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,960 Ah, Guv'nor, are you here? 94 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,680 Erm, yes. 95 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,640 Good. Wondering if I could have a word? 96 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,400 Concerns a small wager I had with Catsmeat at the Pink Pussy. 97 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,000 I shan't bore you with the detail. 98 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,800 It involved an item of corsetry and a couple of ferrets. 99 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,840 Anyway, in short, Catsmeat's beast romped the course 100 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,160 and the blighter's taken the next six months of my allowance. 101 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,160 You have been relieved of your allowance by a ferret? 102 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,000 Six ruddy months' worth. You will appreciate the problem. 103 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,760 No use coming to me, alas. 104 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,960 Money. I always left that to your mother. 105 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,640 Did you ever meet your mother? Charming woman. 106 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,360 Cyril, how are you? 107 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,040 What sort of salary are you on these days? 108 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,120 No, Mr Frederick. 109 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,440 A tenner, come on. A teeny one. 110 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,920 My dear fellow, I'm so sorry. I was looking for my study. 111 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,760 This IS your study, Lord Emsworth. 112 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,480 As you can see, 113 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,440 I have reclassified your collection of marbles, 114 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,880 the taxonomic principle being size, left to right, 115 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:03,280 the second principle of order being colour, spectrum right to left. 116 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,800 Good, Zulu. Now, listen to me. I want you to sit... 117 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,360 No, I want you to sit... I'll try another one. 118 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,640 I want you to go over there... 119 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:21,520 Zulu, I want you to go over there... Go... O... 120 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,640 It's plainly deaf. 121 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:28,520 Pandora, dear, this business of Veronica and Gerry Schoonmaker. 122 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,760 Apparently he suffers from being American, 123 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,400 so one never quite knows what to expect, but Veronica 124 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,600 is a very dear friend. I do so want her to feel comfortable... 125 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,000 Hours, you were locked in. Hours. 126 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,560 Was that a spasm or are you addressing someone in this room? 127 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,360 You. In the bathroom. Half a bottle of "syrup of figs"... 128 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,360 Moreover, Connie, erm, about this Baxter of yours. 129 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,200 The point of YOUR Baxter is to sort things out. 130 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,840 He's sorted things out in my study and I can't find a damn thing. 131 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,800 By tomorrow morning, Blanding's Castle must be shipshape 132 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,080 for the arrival of Veronica. 133 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,960 I know perfectly well this is beyond your abilities to arrange, 134 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,280 ergo Baxter. 135 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,400 You haven't the faintest idea what I'm talking about, have you? 136 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,560 Of course I have. You've got your gusset in a bind 137 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,880 about this cocoa-poisoner Angelica Snorkelbender, 138 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,760 her five husbands and her millionaire dog. 139 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,400 Did he say millionaire? 140 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:23,120 Frederick, no! Out... Go! Away! I want you to go over there. Away! 141 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,080 Miss Jennings is corking, but she thinks I'm an idiot. 142 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,240 I am an idiot, can't change that. But how to impress her? 143 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,240 "Cultivate a shared interest", I hear you cry. 144 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,760 Do you suppose she enjoys drinking to excess 145 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,600 and watching girls in tiny skirts do the shimmy? 146 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,560 More likely, sir, that she's interested in matters canine. 147 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,240 Not sure I can dicky up an interest in dentistry, Beach. 148 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,440 I meant dogs, Mr Frederick. 149 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,600 Oh, no, no. 150 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,600 I've told her I think dogs are hotsy-totsy, the bees' patellas. 151 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,160 Trouble is, I ain't got one. 152 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:01,200 Cook has a dog, sir. Bottles. I'm sure you could borrow him. 153 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,400 And what make of dog is Bottles? 154 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,520 Ah. His parentage is questionable, sir, 155 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,400 but he has character. 156 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,480 Good stuff. 157 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:14,400 But it doesn't solve the fact that I'm stony as Chesil Beach, Beach. 158 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,960 Any minute now there's going to be a millionaire on the loose 159 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,800 and I haven't the faintest idea how to put the moves on him. 160 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:24,320 Hold the line, what's this? Dog food rep! 161 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,120 That'll dazzle Miss Jennings. 162 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,040 Woofo! 163 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,200 Ah...muck! 164 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,080 My roses will be rapturous. 165 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:44,920 My dear fellow, we cannot prance around like delirious fairies. 166 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,480 There is muck to be spread. 167 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,840 It is Lady Constance's desire, Lord Emsworth, 168 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,320 that you remain in your study 169 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,720 while the castle is being prepared for guests. 170 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,560 I am at your service and accordingly, I will arrange 171 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,920 the distribution of your lordship's waste product. 172 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,920 Are you manure? 173 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,560 No, mate, I'm dog food. Where do you want it? 174 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:19,240 Says on the docket, "Free Dick Threepwood". 175 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,600 If he chooses to eat dog food, then let him do so. 176 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,800 Take it round the back. 177 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,360 Ask the footman to make the delivery to Mr Threepwood's room. 178 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,240 Capital. 179 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,280 "Remain in your study"... Blasted impertinence. 180 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,520 Oh, oh, dear. 181 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:00,720 Beach! 182 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,680 There is mess. Here. Mucky mess. 183 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,520 I cannot abide mucky mess. 184 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:17,040 Filthy mucky mess, west hall floor, 1500 hours. 185 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,360 See that it is cleared by 1503. 186 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,600 Who is responsible for this abomination? 187 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,400 A horse, sir, by the aroma. 188 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,400 Don't get gay with me, Beach. 189 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,680 Everything in order, Mr Baxter? 190 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960 Oh. 191 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,160 CLATTERING FROM CUPBOARD 192 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,360 Ah, Connie, oh, good. 193 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,640 I've been looking closely at these shoes, you see. 194 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,560 In the dark? 195 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:56,880 Not in the dark, Connie, the electric light is illuminated 196 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,160 and I'm greatly concerned by the state of them. 197 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,360 I mean, look at this... dirty great hole. 198 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:07,880 Oh, that's where his foot goes in. Anyway, how's, er... 199 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,840 everything going? Arrangements and that for Japonica Poonsmacker? 200 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,520 Please sign, my lord, where indicated with a red cross. Pen. 201 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,040 What... Erm... Err... Very well. 202 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,880 Red cross affair, in reddish ink... 203 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:32,240 Yes, Lord Emsworth, that is a red cross. Here, here, and here. 204 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,600 "Matters domestic, reordering of..." 205 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,520 And here. 206 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,600 Now we can all get on. 207 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,080 Hello! 208 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,480 Phew! 209 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,640 Miss Jennings, this is Bottles. 210 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,000 What is he? A lurcher? 211 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,240 He does walk oddly. 212 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,280 It's all the knotty muscle he's developed from eating 213 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,920 Donaldson's Dog Joy. 214 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,960 He dines on nothing else. Look at him. What's he doing? 215 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,840 Well, it is a muscle, I suppose... 216 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,520 Bottles! Stop doing that to that little dog. 217 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,880 Any rate, corking bit of luck, biffing into you like this. Oh! 218 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,120 No! No! No! 219 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,240 Do you think you could now remove him from my leg? 220 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,400 Bottles, you cad! Miss Jennings, I cannot... 221 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,520 Enough "dog joy" for this afternoon, I think. 222 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,360 No, wait. Donaldson's is a product like no other. 223 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,560 I sell it, you see. I'm going to flog these five-dog Schoonmakers 224 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,640 a hundredweight of the stuff just for kick-off. 225 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,480 You see, the biscuit is so supremely delicious, you can eat it yourself. 226 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,960 Item three, appendix nine: 227 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,960 unsightly hair in the nose and ears. 228 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,680 These orifices are to be purged 229 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,080 before the arrival of her ladyship's guest, Mrs Schoonmaker. 230 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,880 Good heavens. Erm, Beach. 231 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,600 Everything tickety-boo? 232 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,800 Everything is quite in order here, Lord Emsworth. 233 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,320 May I be of further assistance to you? 234 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,240 No. Thank you. Good heavens, no. 235 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,880 No, no, no, no. 236 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:25,200 Item three, appendix ten: following breakfast, servants up to 237 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,040 and including the rank of footman 238 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,080 will have a maximum of three minutes 239 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,520 to avail themselves in the water closet. 240 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:39,440 Sheets of paper for this purpose: two. 241 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,520 - Did you snort? - Lordship won't stand for this. 242 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:47,840 His lordship endorses my every reform, Beach. It's all in here. 243 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,480 The enemy's within, Beach. Gnawing at the vitals. 244 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,040 Feel your vitals being gnawed at? 245 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,200 To the bone, my lord. 246 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,120 Fellow rubs us up the wrong way. 247 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,320 There is mutiny fomenting behind the green baize door, my lord. 248 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,520 I fear it. 249 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:07,360 However, her ladyship looks favourably upon this gentleman. 250 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,600 Step aside, Beach. 251 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:22,120 First one mixes the product with saliva, preferably one's own. 252 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,440 Freddie, please. 253 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:27,400 Then one masticates the biscuit, thus. 254 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:32,600 Now, look here, this Baxter really will have to go. 255 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:36,120 He's interfered with my bumboes, my knocksies and my keepsies 256 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,560 and now he's upsetting the servants, and I won't have it. 257 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,200 The servants have had it far too good for far too long. 258 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,400 Have you seen the blossoms on Beach's nose? 259 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,480 He's cost you a fortune in port. 260 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,200 But Beach likes port. I only get it for him. 261 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,960 Freddie, is it entirely necessary 262 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,880 for you to make that revolting noise? 263 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,800 Choking...to death... 264 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,920 Well, do it elsewhere, please. You're frightening the dog. 265 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,840 Pandora, don't do that, he's just showing off. Freddie? 266 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,520 Let me make this clear. 267 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,240 If you exhibit yourself as a dog food salesman 268 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,400 in front of my dear friend Veronica, 269 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,400 I shall choke you myself, not with the food, but with the entire dog. 270 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,520 Thank you, all of you. That will be all. 271 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,560 Thank you. 272 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,480 Snootered, Guv'nor. 273 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,000 I haven't a hope in hell of flogging the junk to Verruca 274 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,400 and Johnny Spoonlager, and I've two tons of it to shift. 275 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,920 It's all stacked up in my bedroom. 276 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,760 I can't move for the stuff. 277 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,320 I've been seeking you, Lord Emsworth. 278 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,920 I did not expect to find a ninth Earl 279 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,880 frittering his leisure time in the company of swine. 280 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:46,040 Never mind you seeking me, Baxter, I have a mind, sir, to seek you. 281 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,680 The servants are in commotion, my dear fellow, 282 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,800 there is disgruntlement and wailing 283 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,000 where once there was revelry and song. 284 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,080 In my opinion, Lord Emsworth, 285 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,400 there has been far too much "revelry and song". 286 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,680 My dear fellow, this is blasphemy! 287 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,200 What's that? 288 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,680 You surprised me, er... 289 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,560 Frederick, a brief working definition of blasphemy? 290 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,880 No, no. What's that hideous scratching sound? What is it? 291 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,800 Oh, er...that's nothing. That's just normal life in the rafters. 292 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,960 - Rats, or I don't know... - Rats? - I don't suppose, Guv'nor, 293 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,760 if you happen to know if Bottles is a great ratter? 294 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,760 Who is Bottles? 295 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:28,440 I'll bet he is. He has a suitably deranged look about him. 296 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,880 Aha... I feel a demonstration coming on. 297 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,080 It is perverse of me, Freddie, I know, but I have no desire 298 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:41,040 to "pole down to the sty to watch Bottles massacring rats". 299 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,080 But he's a killer, Aunt C. 300 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,560 It's cos he eats Donaldson's Dog Joy, he's so full of beans. 301 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,040 Freddie? Will you sit? 302 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:52,000 No-one wishes to see you disgorging kippers like Donaldson's Dog Joy. 303 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,400 Hah! You remember the name. 304 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,240 And if I hear it again, I shall peel off your face with a spoon. 305 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,920 I'll do you a discount. 306 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:58,960 No! Sit. 307 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,840 When you finally emerged from the bathroom, 308 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,400 she pulled up your frock over your face, and you went... 309 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,160 Clarence! When my dear friend Veronica arrives, 310 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,680 I shall expect you to be dressed correctly. 311 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,240 Oh, Lord. On top of that infernal reptile Baxter 312 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,520 spreading despair all over, I now have to wear a stiff collar. 313 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,120 - I am present, Lord Emsworth. - Eh? 314 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,880 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, my dear fellow, I wasn't referring to you. 315 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:30,400 I was talking about that horrible secretary of mine. What's his name? 316 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,320 Clarence. May I recommend that you do not speak while eating? 317 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,480 Miss Jennings, are my eyes alight with missionary zeal? 318 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,480 I see Donaldson's Dog Joy in every good grocer's 319 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,200 from Manhattan to Lisbon. 320 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,920 Is Lisbon in America? 321 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,160 Not especially. 322 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,520 So much the better. Start with America, end with the world! 323 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,040 Baxter! That's the fellow. Oh, I can't stand the man. 324 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,600 Odious little fellow. 325 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,920 Shakespeare said it, Beach. 326 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:08,880 There is a flood in the affairs of men, and it's taken its ruddy time. 327 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,720 But dash it, here it is. Look at my ruddy wardrobe! 328 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:17,960 It's been Baxtered! Oh, he shall rue his interference here. 329 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,600 What is that repulsive object? 330 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,160 It is Mr Baxter's ledger, my lord. 331 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,840 He appears to have misplaced it. 332 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:26,880 Give it to me. 333 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,200 Blighter's about to misplace it a whole lot more. 334 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,040 Veronica, so lovely to have you back again. 335 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,440 Full marks, Constance. I like a young bitch about the place. 336 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,160 I'm so pleased you approve. 337 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,920 I mean, a castle isn't really possible without a dog. 338 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,440 Don't you think so, Mr Schoonmaker? 339 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,320 I'm American, Lady Constance. Ronnie doesn't allow me an opinion. 340 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,760 Of course, the stern is feathered, which in the pure breed 341 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,880 is totally unacceptable. 342 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,040 But of course, dear, 343 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,480 you always did prefer the look of things about you to be... 344 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,560 not quite right. 345 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,920 Ronnie, dear, will you excuse me? 346 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,360 I've just remembered something. 347 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:42,120 Vengeance is mine, Ronnie, dear. 348 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,560 BAG SQUEAKS 349 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,400 Wrong side of the slope, 350 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,640 but I think you'll be amused by its impertinence. 351 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,360 That dog stinks. 352 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,600 Rich from you, Cyril. 353 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,520 Bottles? Curtain up. 354 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,400 Who's a beautiful boy, then? 355 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,560 Fresh cup? 356 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,480 Mmm. 357 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:34,360 Is there something the matter with the tea? 358 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,840 Unusual notes of fruit. 359 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:40,120 Typical of me to choose a blend that's "not quite right". 360 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,480 Clarence! Where on Earth have you been? 361 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,840 Gardening. 362 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:54,680 Good afternoon. You must be Gordy Bushwhacker. 363 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,760 Near enough. My wife Ron, who I believe you know. 364 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,480 Where is my ledger? 365 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,440 Somebody has taken my ledger. 366 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:14,120 I left it on the shelf outside the north corridor water closet. 367 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:18,000 - It is gone. - Perhaps you should have taken it in with you, Sir. 368 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,160 It might have come in handy. 369 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,680 Given restrictions on usage of paper. 370 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,880 You will regret that, Beach. 371 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,360 Possibly, sir. Will that be all? 372 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,000 Where is Lord Emsworth? 373 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,080 Ah, yes, sir, I'm obliged to you for reminding me. 374 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,240 His lordship wished me 375 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,000 to apprise you that you may have dropped your ledger. 376 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,040 Among the roses. 377 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,160 Ah. Mr and Mrs Schoonmaker, welcome to Blandings Castle. 378 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,560 If I might have a moment of your time, I shall divert you 379 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,240 with a life-changing demonstration 380 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,960 of a doggy comestible I am honoured to sell. 381 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,280 - Frederick. - Aunt Constance. - Desist! 382 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,320 GURGLING 383 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:05,560 Can anybody else hear that? Sort of...creaking. 384 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:06,720 STOMACH GURGLES 385 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:11,880 Oh, it's you. Aha! Mystery solved. 386 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:16,160 Now, allow me to present... Bottles! 387 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,880 Presently making friends rather vigorously with that... 388 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,440 thing like a sporran. 389 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:28,760 This paragon of British doghood is about to demonstrate the zip, 390 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,840 vim and sheer joie de vivre that cannot help 391 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,920 but surge from an animal reared exclusively on Donaldson's Dog Joy! 392 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:47,200 I have in this sack a handful of simple rats. 393 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,080 - If you will kindly step out onto the lawn... - Beach ! 394 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,000 - Did he say bats? - Rats. - Oh, good, fair enough. 395 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,720 You wouldn't want to keep bats in a bag, would you? 396 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,720 Dispose of this receptacle immediately. 397 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,480 CREAKING 398 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,440 - Was that you again? - No! 399 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,800 I definitely hear a sort of creaking. 400 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,840 CREAKING OVERHEAD 401 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,360 SCREAMING 402 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,040 DOG BARKS 403 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,360 From escape to capture and despatch - six seconds! 404 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,520 Did you ever see such a turn of speed? 405 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,560 He's got them all. What a lad! 406 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:52,200 Donaldson's Dog Joy, Mr Schoonmaker! I can do you a special price! 407 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,160 Good heavens! Mr Baxter! 408 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,840 Might I have a moment, Lord Emsworth? 409 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,760 No, my dear fellow, you may not. 410 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,120 This ridiculous exhibition is the end. 411 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,200 That product has cost me a lot of money 412 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,800 and I do not expect to see it distributed around my drawing room. 413 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,680 LOUD CREAKING OVERHEAD 414 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,200 It's coming from there. 415 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:21,200 Your butler abducted my ledger whilst I was at stool! 416 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,680 Beach! Come here. 417 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,800 Do you deny that you took the ledger whilst I was... 418 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,000 SCREAMING 419 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,600 And the most remarkable thing is, 420 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,560 the biscuit is entirely fit for human consumption. 421 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,480 Young man? How much Dog Joy just came through the roof? 422 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,760 Two tons, sir. 423 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,560 Put it all on my tab. It's worth every penny. 424 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,000 SHE BREAKS WIND 425 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,640 Poor Veronica. 426 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,000 I do wish I could persuade you to stay longer. 427 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,520 Such a nasty upset stomach, with everybody watching. 428 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,400 Thank you, Constance. 429 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,320 Thank you, Veronica. 430 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,040 STOMACH RUMBLES 431 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:27,280 A little something for the journey. Just in case. 432 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,400 If I may permit myself the vulgarity...gotcha! 433 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,120 These are for you. 434 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,600 How lovely. Stalks. 435 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,600 Damn. I wrapped the wrong end. 436 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,800 Look, Miss Jennings, 437 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,320 I just wanted to say that you're splendid. 438 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,840 I mean, I'm rather...erm... 439 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,320 Fond of you. 440 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,480 Are you going to give me the stalks, or not? 441 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:02,160 Oh. Yes. Here. You'll need an upside-down vase. 442 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,920 I can't imagine where... 443 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,320 I'm rather fond of you too, Mr Threepwood. 444 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,440 Do you think you could possibly remove Bottles from my leg, please? 445 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,480 Oh! Yes, of course. 446 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,920 Ha ha! The jingling tray. 447 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,960 Will you join me, Beach? 448 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,880 You take the glass. 449 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,560 A fellow in your position cannot be seen drinking from a mug. 450 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,960 Imagine if one of the maids came in and saw. 451 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,760 - Here. Chin chin. - Chin chin, my lord. 452 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,800 Oh, I say, isn't that, erm, Baxter? 453 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,440 I believe it is, my lord. 454 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,200 Motorcycle not working? 455 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,440 It would appear not, my lord. 456 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,840 Oh. Taxi not available? 457 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,200 The taxi declined to convey Mr Baxter 458 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,200 - on account of the terrible pong. - Pong? 459 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:20,640 Mr Baxter's over-acquaintance with your lordship's manure. 460 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,640 Not mine, Horse, mostly. 461 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,280 Oh, poor Baxter. 462 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,160 Ruddy goggle-faced weasel. 463 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,640 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd