1 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,520 Now Clarence, I know it hurts your brain, 2 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,480 but it is essential that you concentrate. 3 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,200 What are you going to do about this? 4 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,800 Scarify in the autumn and spread liberally with top-quality muck. 5 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,120 I speak of Gertrude. 6 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:39,400 Oh. Isn't that the wretched girl forever rearranging my books? 7 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,960 She must be kept occupied. To get her away from Bingham. 8 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,120 Is Bingham a particularly dreary place? 9 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,240 Rupert Bingham is the man she wishes to marry. The priest. 10 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,720 Oh, jolly good. 11 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:56,920 No, I mean dreadful, awful person, out of the question. 12 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,480 Connie, I've got no idea who these people are. 13 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,280 Gertrude is your niece. 14 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,160 Another one! Good heavens. 15 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,920 Bingham is a pauper. 16 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,520 What do you expect me to do? 17 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,800 I expect you to dance, Clarence. 18 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,000 The girl needs taking out of herself. 19 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,680 Sir Gregory is giving a summer ball, next Saturday. 20 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,040 You shall dance with Gertrude, just once 21 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,880 then pass her to some eligible gentlemen. 22 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:29,080 You may close your mouth now, Clarence. Young girls love to dance. 23 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,160 I am not a young girl, Connie. 24 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,760 Oh, perpetually thinking of yourself. 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,440 Now, Herr Schnellhund is calling shortly. 26 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,720 Your dancing master. 27 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,000 CAR HORN SOUNDS 28 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,200 I don't suppose you have them in Portugal, but this is a castle. 29 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:53,120 It was built by Norman the Conqueror. 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,680 The bloke who married Elizabeth, the Queen Virgin. 31 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,600 All a bit pointless, this, you don't understand a word I'm saying. 32 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,560 Hah! I usually hit that tree. 33 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,240 That's the spirit! 34 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,600 Beach, please. 35 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,280 Isn't there enough sadness in the world without you 36 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,760 cleawing your thwoat at people? 37 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,600 Her ladyship wishes to see you, Miss Gertrude. 38 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,800 Well, I do not wish to see my aunt. 39 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,920 It is because of her I suffer the tewwible torments of Pwometheus. 40 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,960 Very well, Miss. 41 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,760 Guv'nor! How the hell are you? 42 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,160 Riven with anxiety, Frederick. Can we conclude this quickly? 43 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,400 How much do you need? 44 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,720 Dear old ghoul, I haven't come to sponge. 45 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:41,840 I wanted you to meet Miss Paquita Manganara. 46 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,680 From Portugal. 47 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,520 She doesn't speak a word of English. 48 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,960 How refreshing. 49 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,480 I met her at the Pink Pussy Club. 50 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,440 She was dancing in a little dress entirely composed of bananas. 51 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,960 - Good heavens. - Exactly what I said. 52 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,560 Miss Paquita? 53 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:03,600 Manganara. Actually, Guv'nor, that's a bit of a moot point. 54 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,640 Technically, you're fondling the paw 55 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:10,080 of The Honourable Mrs Paquita Threepwood. 56 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,200 Oh. 57 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,360 I seem to have married her. 58 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,200 - Inadvertently. - Yes. 59 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,400 I think at some stage you should probably release her hand. 60 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,560 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 61 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,000 PHONE RINGS 62 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,480 I thought I'd better pole on down with the child bride 63 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:28,960 and explain her to the family. 64 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,720 Frederick. The one thing you must absolutely not do is explain 65 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:37,440 Miss Hangbanana to anyone, particularly your aunt. 66 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,640 Beach? 67 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:42,400 The telephone, my lord, for Mr Threepwood. 68 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,800 It's a Mr Beefy for you, sir. 69 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaking. What? 70 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,920 How did you manage to break a bath? 71 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,520 No, no. I'm on my way. 72 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,040 Friend of mine just landed up at The Goat and Feathers. 73 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,360 He's in a jam. Shan't be a tick. 74 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,680 Keep my Portuguese wife amused, will you? 75 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,320 Friend. 76 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,360 Portuguese friend. 77 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:19,400 Lord, help us now, thy servant. 78 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,360 Thank you. 79 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:33,320 - Er, landlord? I trust that covers the damage to the bath? - Thank you. 80 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,480 All I did was sit in the thing, I didn't chuck it about. 81 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,080 Was that entirely proper, Beefy? 82 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:45,000 Calling on the Almighty to help you twist some bloke's arm off? 83 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,440 Look at you, you need a nurse. 84 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,920 It's not a nurse I need. It's Gertrude. 85 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,360 Your Aunt Constance has forbidden our marriage. 86 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,080 My aunt is famous for derailing the locomotive of young love. 87 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:02,520 But I love her, Freddie. I love her! Gertrude, not your aunt. 88 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,720 So, Gertrude's banged up till she gets over you, because you won't do. 89 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,080 And you're here in order to be close to her. 90 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,760 - That's the full extent of the plan, is it? - Yes? 91 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,640 Ah, have you ever met Aunt Connie? 92 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,800 - No! - How about the Guv'nor? 93 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,200 - No! - You see? Already we're on top of the sitch. 94 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,880 CLATTERING 95 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,400 Sorry. 96 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,080 What you need to do, old wound, is bring the Guv'nor gaiety. 97 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,120 Be attentive, courteous. 98 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,800 He shall gather you unto his bosom, 99 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,560 and my aunt shall not dare stand in his way. 100 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,040 Allow me to prepare the ground, nothing can go wrong. 101 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,520 SPRINGS POPPING 102 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,320 - Ah. - What's gone wrong? 103 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,400 I don't appear to have any brakes. Not to worry. 104 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,680 I have a spare set. 105 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,280 Foxgloves. 106 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:02,240 Gloves, for erm... foxes. 107 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:07,000 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 108 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,680 - Very small ones. - Guv'nor! 109 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,280 Oh, thank God for that. 110 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:18,480 Sorry about that. Hello, angel! Did you miss me savagely? 111 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,320 Now Guv'nor, listen, I must bend your ear about Beefers. 112 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,240 - What is Beefers? - Friend of mine. 113 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,600 Miserable as hell cos he is denied the girl he loves, 114 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,560 and all that sort of rot. Can he come and stay for a bit? 115 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,160 Very well, Frederick. This fellow's name, Beefy, what did you say? 116 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,040 - Popjoy. - Popjoy? 117 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,960 Absolutely. Beefy Popjoy. 118 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:43,400 He'll be company for Gertrude, perk her up a bit. 119 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,840 Beefy Fopjoy! Dancing. 120 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,000 Portuguese persons. 121 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,480 Skirts of ruddy bananas. 122 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,880 I have been making impwovements to the distwibution of your books. 123 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,160 Now look here, my dear. 124 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,280 If you've hidden my Whiffle, I shall not be answerable. 125 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,520 Care Of The Pig is where you dwopped it. In your study. 126 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,800 Ah. 127 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,320 Do you know why I do this? Weawwange things? 128 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,120 It is called displacement activity. 129 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,840 - Is it? - I do it to stop myself lacewating my flesh 130 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,720 and feeding my own bwoken body to your wetched pig. 131 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,880 Your tie is cwooked, Uncle Clawence. 132 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,120 I like it cwooked. 133 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,320 It must be glowious to be as old as you. 134 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,920 Such a short step to the silent wapture of the gwave. 135 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,440 What do you mean "a short step," my dear? 136 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:42,720 My own dear father lived to be nearly 90... 137 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,080 Don't. Don't. You make it sound so despewate and dweadful. 138 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,560 Her ladyship invites you, my lord, to meet a German person. 139 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,200 This is Herr Schnellhund. 140 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,240 You know how I feel about fellows with tufty little beards, Connie, 141 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,120 - they give me the heebie-jeebies. - Don't be absurd. 142 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,320 I can't trust him. He could be anybody. 143 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,120 All yours, Herr Schnellhund. 144 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,840 Oh, no... Ah, ah... 145 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,920 Dancing master, eh? 146 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,960 I am so, Lord Emsvurt. 147 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:27,200 Before zis, I vurked in ein slaughterhouse. 148 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:34,200 And so I understand precisely how ze portions of ze body...connect. 149 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,680 And so I demonstrate. 150 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:46,880 MUSIC: "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss 151 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,520 No, no... no, no, no, no, no. 152 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,440 Ein zwei drei, zwei zwei drei, 153 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:58,880 drei zwei drei. Lead the lady. 154 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,360 Ha! 155 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:06,320 Mark me, Beefy, the wheeze is afoot. 156 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,280 It is established that your name is Popjoy. 157 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,880 - Popjoy? - You're a very rich man, but your money's all tied up abroad. 158 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,600 Brazil. Where the nuts come from. 159 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,680 Popjoy? 160 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,480 Must dash. Supposed to be showing my wife round the old dump. 161 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,880 Friend. My friend. 162 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,280 Popjoy. Yeah. 163 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,920 There's a Mr Popjoy here, your Lordship. 164 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:39,560 Popjoy. You expecting any sort of Popjoy, Gertrude? 165 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:43,400 I expect nothing but an eternity of gwinding, gwisly torment. 166 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,880 Must be for me then. All right, wheel him in, Beach. 167 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:50,960 My dear, I beg you to be a little less funereal for Mr... 168 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,440 SHE SCREAMS AND GIGGLES 169 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,560 You must be Gertrude Armstrong. 170 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,640 Oh, I must. 171 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,680 My name is Popjoy. You see? 172 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,400 Oh, yes. 173 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,800 Lord Emsworth. 174 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:08,120 No, no, sir, please don't get up. Let me come to you. 175 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,840 SMASHING 176 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,760 How do you do? 177 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,200 He's called Fang, after one of my aunts. 178 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,200 Family joke. 179 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,080 Reverend. 180 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,440 Beach. 181 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,240 What do I say when I finally run into Aunt Constance? 182 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,640 I'm here with a girl who shimmies round the Pussy 183 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,720 in a girdle of soft fruit. My aunt will be nonplussed. 184 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,720 If she finds out I've married the girl, 185 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,920 and that's what I've done, her non will be plussed off the scale. 186 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,400 Things here are not as they seem. 187 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,320 What do I say? 188 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,960 Do you intend to conduct your entire married life in secret? 189 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,880 That's a plan. Thank you, Beach. 190 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,560 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 191 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,040 Eh? This bruiser with the great warty conk? 192 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,800 He's the second earl. 193 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,720 Hilariously, this is the picture that's actually worth something. 194 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,880 Oh, good God. 195 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,640 I mean, hello, Aunt! 196 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:25,680 Allow me to present Paquita Manganara. She is my friend. 197 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:35,080 Paquita Escevillege Jerecazavege Manganara, Princesa. 198 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,880 Delightful. 199 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,400 That is how the pluperfect is formed in the Aramaic of St Luke. 200 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,320 How incwedibly amusing. 201 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:54,000 I don't know that because I'm a priest. Because I'm not. 202 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,400 I like your guest. 203 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,920 Poppers is a scream when he gets going on the old pluperfect. 204 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,280 Not Mr Popjoy. Popjoy is an idiot. 205 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,880 I mean the Princess. 206 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,520 Oh, her. Oh, good. That's...useful. 207 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,560 I didn't know she was a princess? 208 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,600 Oh, God. Pay her more attention, Freddie. 209 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,560 The Manganaras, I believe, are a very old family. 210 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,480 Oh. She seems rather young. 211 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,360 Oh, God. 212 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,960 SMASHING 213 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,240 Oh, good Heavens! Lord Emsworth, I am so... 214 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,320 Oh, it doesn't matter! Does it, Uncle Clawence? 215 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,520 Just a silly decanter. It was tewwibly old. 216 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,800 Georgian. 217 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,800 Do go on, Mr Popjoy. 218 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,720 I don't know what was I saying? 219 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,520 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 220 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,280 Mr Popjoy. Your business concerns are in Brazil, I gather. 221 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,840 Where the nuts come from. 222 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,920 What language do you speak over there, for business? 223 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,920 (Not Portuguese.) 224 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,520 Portuguese. 225 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,000 How convenient! We can now converse with Miss Manganara. 226 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:09,160 - Oh, yes. - So let us establish what it is she requires from Beach. 227 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,680 What is occurring now? 228 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,560 - Mr Popjoy is about to speak Portuguese. - Good Lord. 229 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,480 As long as he doesn't stink up the air with German 230 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,880 like that dismal creature Schweinhund. 231 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,320 Schnellhund! 232 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,920 Please. 233 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,440 Senyorlaga. 234 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:37,440 Moy copinas al fresco bladdaronica la bamba-bamba 235 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:42,920 de tinklebotski vavavoom. Beach. 236 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,680 SHE RESPONDS 237 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,720 At home she has 20 chefs. 238 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,720 None could cook a chop like this. 239 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,720 LAUGHTER 240 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,720 - Bravo! Porcaria total! - Very kind. 241 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,120 See that she has everything she needs, Freddie, 242 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,400 The Princesa is so agreeable. 243 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,920 Connie? 244 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:15,000 Mr Popjoy seems to exert a pleasing fascination over... 245 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,480 Do you think he might... care to accompany her to the ball? 246 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,400 You cannot escape dancing by means of Popjoy. 247 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:25,640 He has all the natural grace of a hippopotamus. 248 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,320 The Princesa, however, 249 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,080 has the hauteur of the continental aristocracy. 250 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,800 Extraordinary that she consents to be a friend of Freddie's. 251 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,120 As long as he doesn't make a lunge at her... 252 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,560 Beach, you're hovering. 253 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,360 I do apologise, your ladyship. 254 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,360 It is merely that we seem to be missing a number of spoons. 255 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,040 Shake down the tufty German, that's my advice. 256 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,120 Be surprised what falls out his pockets. 257 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,520 Sir, are you indisposed? 258 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,320 Whoops! Sorry! 259 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,920 Brazil must be so dull without you, Mr Popjoy. 260 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,960 Psst! Where's Beefy? 261 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,480 Isn't he a bunny wabbit? 262 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,720 I wish your father and Aunt Connie thought he was a bunny wabbit. 263 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,480 He's doing the right thing, and he's just got to do more of it. 264 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,960 I mustn't be seen talking like this. My wife wouldn't like it. 265 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,120 My Friend. Friend. 266 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:29,440 Ein, zwei, drei... 267 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,120 # When I take my sugar to tea 268 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,200 # All the boys are jealous of me 269 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,840 # Cos I never take them... # 270 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,320 What are you doing? 271 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,800 Lord Emsworth. I am concerned that you are foaming at the mouth. 272 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,400 I'm cleaning my teeth. 273 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:50,080 Well, allow me to be of assistance with that. 274 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,160 Evening my boy. As you were. 275 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,120 I hope you have a peaceful night. 276 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,320 SHE RESPONDS 277 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,560 I have scissors, Freddie. 278 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,200 # Because I never take them where the gang goes 279 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,680 # When I take my sugar to tea. # 280 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,400 Do carry on! I'm off to consult the Empress. 281 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:52,440 Wupert. My uncle is dewanged. You must hasten to his wescue. 282 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,600 The worst thing is I have to dance in ruddy German! 283 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,080 Ein, zwei, drei, zwei, zwei, drei. 284 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:08,880 - Lord Emsworth! Allow me. - My dear fellow, I entreat you... 285 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,240 - Lord Emsworth? - Keep your distance, sir! 286 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,720 My ankle, get off me! 287 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,720 I'm so sorry, sir, was that your eye? 288 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:45,800 Ah. There you are. 289 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:50,160 Look, I rather wanted Beefy to translate this for me. 290 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:58,040 But I was wondering, as we are, as it were... 291 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,000 married, 292 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:08,840 should I perhaps be slipping in for a bit? 293 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,000 You know... 294 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,560 Ah. 295 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,880 Vetinary Sprain Elixir. Does wonders for the Empress. 296 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,520 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 297 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:14,360 SHE ROARS 298 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,800 HE RUNS OFF WHIMPERING 299 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,840 HE YELLS IN PAIN 300 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,000 My ruddy foot's on fire! 301 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:48,200 "Should the preparation come into contact with the skin, 302 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,480 "douse at once with plenty of water." 303 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,800 All right.. 304 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:58,960 Your eyes are like golden planets glimpsed in the canopy of heaven. 305 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,920 I think that's uncle Clawence. 306 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,160 Good gwief. Wun, Wupert. Wun! 307 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,960 He's dwowning! 308 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,360 Lord Emsworth! I hear you, sir! 309 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:24,840 I have a bearing on you! The most important thing is not to panic. 310 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,400 The great mistake of the drowning man is to panic. 311 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,880 You, no, no! 312 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,280 Yes, I am with you now, sir! All is well. 313 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,040 Ow! 314 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,080 Try not to struggle, Lord Emsworth! 315 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,600 You have banged your head on my instrument. 316 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,880 I'm now going to put my arm around your chest. 317 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,440 If you resist me, sir, I must incapacitate you. 318 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:50,560 Forgive me, sir, but your life is at risk and I have had training. 319 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:57,160 There we go. You're safe now, sir. 320 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,600 ..Unhand me, sir! 321 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,080 Frederick? 322 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:21,280 Guv'nor. Yes. 323 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,760 Tricky to explain. Unusual evening. 324 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:30,880 Aunt Connie was advising me to marry my wife. Then it all.. 325 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,440 got rather out of hand. 326 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,600 My evening also was eventful. 327 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,360 Your friend Popjoy is one of the most appalling young men I ever met. 328 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:45,600 His name's not Popjoy, it's Bingham. 329 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,360 The improvement is neglible. 330 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,120 He's the bird whose marriage to Gertrude you have forbidden. 331 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,440 And he's tried really hard. 332 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,280 All you had to do was slip him a vicarage with a bit of an income. 333 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,280 Why should he wish to be slipped a vicarage? 334 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,960 Because he's a parson, obviously. 335 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,680 Mr Beefers is a priest? 336 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,080 Oh, God help us. 337 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,360 Ah, Beach. A review of The Empress. 338 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,760 Straight away, my lord? 339 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,160 If not sooner. 340 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,920 So, will you give Beefy a job? 341 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,520 - I will not. - I see. Very well. 342 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,360 Will you condescend instead to help your only son in his hour of need? 343 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:23,880 You have an elder brother. 344 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,480 You quibble. Come on, Guv'nor. Do something. 345 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,880 When Aunt C finds out I've been hitched all along, 346 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,560 and never had a knees-up to which she could wear a hat, 347 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,520 she'll saw open my cranium and feast on my brains. 348 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:40,520 A meagre luncheon it will be. Good morning to you, sir. 349 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,080 SMASHING 350 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,480 Popjoy. 351 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,200 SMASHING 352 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:59,320 Would you please translate? Princesa Paquita. 353 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:04,200 As you are aware, my nephew is a very charming, literate, 354 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,600 and intensely intelligent young man. 355 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,840 Say it. 356 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:12,760 Princesa, la goono com pompadiddy 357 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:18,360 vala distra mwa mwa brainioroony. 358 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,680 He is of noble birth. 359 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,480 E nobbly narto-tarto. 360 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,640 He is eligible. 361 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,920 E ligalabalo. 362 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,600 Ligalabolo? Muito interessante. 363 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:39,000 Really, how very charming, very charming. Very charming! 364 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,920 Ach, mein Gott, Komm schon. 365 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,920 Rum business altogether, Guv'nor. 366 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,280 Your only son, apart from the other one, spurned. 367 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,160 A blameless vicar ruined. 368 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,760 And did you think to cancel Herr Beardhound's lesson? 369 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,440 No. The poor twerp's standing in the hall with nothing to do. 370 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,880 He could have a shave. 371 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,520 Alas for Aunt Constance! 372 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,440 She's lost her equilibrium, her crystal and her... 373 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:11,640 Frederick, get Beach to bring me Mr Pingjoy? Beefhat? 374 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:12,920 Bingham? 375 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,520 Him as well. Bring 'em all! 376 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,800 Hello. Herr Schnellhund! 377 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,000 The 2nd Earl... 378 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,400 Ah, good fellow. I can't survive much more of your attention. 379 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,600 I'm given to believe you seek a country living 380 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,320 with a tolerable salary. Is that correct? Good. 381 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:54,320 Well, I do happen to have a church, that needs a parson. 382 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:58,120 In Hampshire. That is quite far away, Hampshire, isn't it? 383 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,320 Sufficiently, my lord. 384 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,440 - Does that interest you, Mr Bingpox? - Lord Emsworth... 385 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,520 No, my dear fellow Please don't approach me! I beg of you. 386 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,400 Darling, darling. 387 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,120 Steady. 388 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:15,360 Mr Bingham salutes the approach of Miss Gertrude, my lord. 389 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:17,240 Ah, right you are. 390 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,480 Call the police! 391 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,320 Oh, Clarence, I have been such a fool. You were right. 392 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,200 Was I? What about? 393 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,240 That frightful little German with the preposterous beard. 394 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,360 What, that one? 395 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:33,400 Yes. That one. 396 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,560 What have you been up to, you odious little fraud? 397 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,280 I have been smoking ein cigarette vile I attend Lord Emsvurt. 398 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,120 - You liar! - But it is so. 399 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,280 And that nasty little beard? 400 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,120 Is that so? I think not. 401 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,760 Impostor! 402 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,760 Where is the second earl? Is he in these ridiculous little trousers? 403 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,280 Shall we look? 404 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,640 This is all most unusual. 405 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,680 Your name's not Schnellhund. 406 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:06,720 Nobody in real life is called Schnellhund. You're Bingham! 407 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,840 Um, no. I'm Bingham. 408 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,000 As it were. 409 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:25,080 I am going. I am going... 410 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,600 So that's all sorted then. 411 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,800 I put it to Herr Smelly-Hun that he wouldn't want it 412 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,560 going about that he's the kind of man who allows hysterical women 413 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,920 to go yanking his beard, and he very sportingly settled for 50 quid. 414 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,320 I said you'd send a cheque. 415 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,360 Now. Here's the really funny thing about all this, Aunt Connie. 416 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:57,600 You've been banging on at me to marry the Princesa - 417 00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,720 look, here she is, 418 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,200 and guess what? I already have! 419 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,480 Ha! How's that for a Chinaman on a springy wicket? 420 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,640 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 421 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,200 - Bingham. - Oh, Lord. 422 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,720 Ask the princess if she can confirm this extraordinary suggestion? 423 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:26,440 Slinkibiffydoo. Crancrinkum-crankum agumbo? 424 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,720 SHE SPEAKS GIBBERISH 425 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:34,560 ..OW! Strewth, mind my bleedin' foot, you clumsy great lump! 426 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,040 She speaks English rather well. 427 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,320 Crying out loud, you're all mad. 428 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,560 My sweet, you speak of family. 429 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,840 We're not family, you soft-chinned twit. 430 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,320 You got plastered in the club 431 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,560 and turned up at my flat with a feather in your... 432 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:50,600 Yes, I remember that. 433 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:54,120 And you were all kissy-kissy and spouting bloomin' poetry at me 434 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,080 and I thought I'd have a little laugh. 435 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,560 Tell you we was hitched. Well, ha bloomin' ha. 436 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:03,320 How do you like your continental la-di-da now, Mrs Muck? 437 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,960 Save your breath, Bonzo, I'm off. 438 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,960 Oh, nuts. 439 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,640 From Brazil, madam. 440 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,120 MUSIC: "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss 441 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,960 Sorry! 442 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:26,320 In English, you see, it might have gone something like this. 443 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:34,080 One, two three, one two three... 444 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,600 Ouch! 445 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,240 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd